please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
