She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
