Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
