I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
40s are totally the cure
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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