then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize