She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
