I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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