I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
