Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
