oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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