the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize