I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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