how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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