The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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