I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
