I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
