I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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