Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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