Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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