Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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