She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
