Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
