I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize