We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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