i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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