I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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