eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
