She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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