This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i think i have two assholes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
