She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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