I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
