Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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