I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
