I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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