She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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