I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
