I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
