So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
