you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
