miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So many bounce houses so little time
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
