he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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