why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
