Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize