So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
