Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
