any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
