All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
