I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
