I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
