but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize