I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
