i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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