I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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