It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
