Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize