I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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