I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize