ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
