Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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