I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
