Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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