So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize