If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
