Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We need a shit load of segways right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
