Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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