I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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