I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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