the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
