i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
