Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
